So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
two words: eviction party
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
