looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
