Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
