obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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