U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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