i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
