Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
