So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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