So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
they need to just BURY HIM!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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