Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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