Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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