i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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