he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
