Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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