I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
