is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
