im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
