How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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