I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
