Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
