my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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