I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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