I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
