I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You pole danced in your parka.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just pee around me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
