I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
