What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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