a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
