Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
