I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
