I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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