u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
