I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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