The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
