last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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