i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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