I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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