The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
