How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
