yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
