Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
