I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
