FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
