fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Your tits are I can't wait for
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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