She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
