I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
