omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
