I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
