Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
