Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
