I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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