Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
