I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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