I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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