Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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