life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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