five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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