Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I AM VODKA MAN
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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