Umm I'm too high to move.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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