I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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