I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
