Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
