apparently the secret to your success is patron
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
