whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
