my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
