I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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