oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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