I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
