Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm eating all of the evidence.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
