sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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