So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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