I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
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Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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